Eleventh Session

Eleventh Session: Monday 2nd December 2013

So for this session I was able to continue writing up my new monologue, but I still had to think of Sally as a victim, but I was really struggling for this (just like last time). I finally came up with the idea for Sally being a victim of Self Harm.

This actually worked really well, as Sally has stitches all over her body (because she's a rag-doll), so I could make it look like she did it to herself as she was lonely and depressed because of Doctor Finkelstein  and the fact she didn't know that Jack Skellington didn't love her back.


There was a moment I felt real,
No pain, no hurt, no suffering.

Do you know how it feels?
How bad the need to escape is?
How far I'd go?
Do you know how it feels on your skin?

The cold metallic surface upon your skin,
The blood seeping from my veins,
To feel the release,
To feel the pleasure.

I see the way they look at me,
The way they pity me,
Forcing me to be involved, so they can feel better about themselves.
They think I'm weak.
They think I'm weak.
Too weak to protect myself.
When all along I am by myself.

I'll show them,
Locked away up here,
I'll prove to them.
Alone, Knife against me.
I won't, I know I won't.

Or, I could rip my dress,
Tie it in a slip not,
put it around my neck,
End it,
Here and now,
Give the world a fond farewell.

The doctor wouldn't notice,
For weeks even,
Replace me,
Run away for months on end,
Jack wouldn't notice.

If I told him,
About how I feel, 
Would he help me?
Could he help me?
Should he help me?
Will help me?

I feel more comfortable performing this one, but the content behind it still slightly worries me, as, although now it is more common to see young adults self harming, it's never really discussed, not even in school.

Ninth Session

Ninth Session: Wednesday 27th November 2013

Again, we worked on the group performance, but this time we all decided to not do the dance.

Instead, we thought it would be better to use the song but work in the audience. We split into two groups, four of us would work our way through the audience to the stage, while six worked from the stage down and through the audience. The four that started in the audience, once they got to the stage they would recite the song, but not sing, they would speak it, in deep, quite freaky voices; while the other six would circle the audience, doing the same.

I thought this was quite a good idea, as not only could we work together, but also interact with audience to apply 'Theater Of Cruelty' to our work.

Halfway through the session, I was informed that my monologue wasn't really appropriate for our audience, as it was a sensitive subject. I agreed with this and decided that it was best if I make a new monologue for the next session.

Eighth Session

Eighth Session: Monday 25th November 2013

I wasn't at school for the sixth or seventh session, due to the fact that I was ill.

The group told me what they did for those two sessions; which was to take a tour of the area we would be using for our final performance (The Flyovers) and more rehearsal on their monologues.

For this session we had to work on the group performance, Katie was given the role of organizing this, but she nor the rest of us, actually had any idea of what to do.
We finally decided to take a look at Just Dance 3's version to 'This is Halloween' (the Film's opening number); and we tried to do that dance as it was supposed to be a movement piece.

Most of the session was spent on this.

It was actually a great team building exercise and we all contributed at some part and we had to communicate with each other to be able to understand what we all had to do at what point.

Fifth Session

Fifth Session: Monday 18th November 2013

This session, we started by showing each of our performances with our new improvements and again give/take feedback to/from our peers to help.

Now that I've performed twice, I feel more comfortable with contents of my monologue, but I'm trying not to at the some time, just so the audience can feel as uncomfortable because I do.

This time when I performed, that certain line got a few giggles and not because it was  funny, but because it is uncomfortable to hear, not just say;so it was more of a nervous giggle, which goes to show that this units theme is applying into my monologue.

Once we had finished showing each of ours, we had to think about a group performance that we had to do and what we would like to do.

Fourth Session

Fourth Session: Friday 15th November 2013

So today's session was about developing our characters and working on our monologues.

We were given the opportunity to show our work to the rest of the class and get/give feedback on ways to improve what we had so far. 

For mine, I was told the best way to add more aspects of 'Theater Of Cruelty' was to make more eye contact and involve the audience and move more.

I'm still not sure if I'm completely comfortable with idea of my monologue, but I suppose that's the whole the idea and the point of this unit, to get away from the safety net and come out of the safety bubble we've created for ourselves.  

Again, we were given the weekend to work on our monologues and do research to see if we could make any differences and try to use some of  Artauds techniques to inspire us 

Third Session

Third Session: Wednesday 13th November 2013

Today we were in the computer room and were given profiles for the characters of Tim Burton's 'A Nightmare Before Christmas'.

We had to choose which character we would like to make a monologue for. I picked Sally; a rag-doll type character, with detachable limbs (stuffed with fall leaves), who often falls apart, so she has to sew herself back together with a set of sewing needles and thread she always carries around with her. 

She's the main female character, that was created by Doctor Finkelstein (Halloween Town's resident and mad scientist), to be his slave; their relationship is rather tense as Finkelstein insists on keeping Sally under lock and key, to keep her away from the excitement of the outside world.

I wasn't really sure what to do with a monologue for her, but when I asked for advice Sir told me to think of Sally as a victim. A victim of what though? After a while of deciding, I chose for Sally to be a victim of rape/ abuse, as that was most common for female slaves back in the 19th century (even though the film is in the 20th Century):

There was a moment when it felt real.

When it felt like kindness.

When he showed kindness.

But I could see straight through him,

How his eyes turned to slits,

The way the smirk played upon his face,

How he watched my every move,

He was the wild beast and I was his pray.

It was power,

Power that he wanted, not me.

A slave for his pleasure, nothing more.

‘Obey your master’ they say,

‘Please the master’ they say,

‘Be rewarded by the master’ they say.

How is it a reward?

I gained no power, no pleasure, just pain.

Forcing himself upon me,

Forcing himself inside of me.

I was not my own.

There was one line that I wasn't really comfortable saying out loud, I probably shouldn't have wrote it, but it made for sense for it to be there, so when I spoke to Sir about it, he said if that's how I feel then it fits with the theme of 'Theater Of Cruelty', so I decided to leave it in.

Second Session

Second Session: Monday 11th November 2013

So today we had to show the class our improved versions of our nightmares. Seeing as the homework was for over the weekend, we weren't actually in groups, so it was a solo performance.

This time, mine was based on being alone, with no-one to trust and no-one that cares, a recurring dream that freaks me out all time (I usually wake up crying) so I had to find a way of showing this desperation and emotion in my performance. 
Sir told me to that the best way to show the emotion that needs to be shown is to think of things that brings it to life. 
So when it came to my performance, sat in front of the class, I thought about all the times I've argued with my parents and thought that they didn't care because they didn't understand, all the times I've felt like I couldn't trust anyone because they didn't really know me, the times when I never knew how to cope, when others (myself included) doubted me.
Without even realizing, tears came and more emotion with them.

Once I was finished, I felt so relived and proud that I'd actually done it, even though I thought I wouldn't.